Anger is about control, but if you cannot control your anger then you are out of control. People who suffer from constant bursts of anger often suffer from self-image deficits. And while they may manage to control this in professional environment, their personal relationships usually suffer the brunt of their anger.

Angry people often have a hard time compromising and view different opinions as a personal challenge to their authority. Anger in this case would be used to regain control, fend off feelings of vulnerability and invalidation and to self-soothe. Unchecked anger can be harmful to self and others.

 

We have all felt angry, whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you are at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.

 

Like other emotions, anger is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person, an event or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger feelings of anger.

Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats. It inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we feel attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival though we cannot physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us. Laws, social norms and common-sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

 

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their feelings of anger. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your  feelings of anger in an assertive and not aggressive manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others or yourself. Being assertive does not mean being pushy or demanding. It simply means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that it does not allow outward expression. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Unexpressed anger can lead to pathological expressions of feelings, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile.

People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments have not learnt how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they are likely to experience many unsuccessful relationships.

Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

When none of these three techniques is applied, then danger looms on someone or something.

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You cannot get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with your emotion. Easily angered people do not always curse and throw things, sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill. People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, simply meaning that they feel they should not be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance.

They cannot take things in stride, and they are particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow out of control. Some people are just born grumpy, sulky and as a result, these signs are present from a very early age. Anger is often regarded as negative in our sociocultural sphere.  We are therefore taught that it is all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not anger. As a result, we do not learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.

Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communication. Some people use this as a license to hurt others. Ripping with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you or the person you are angry with resolve the situation.

It is best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, so that you can develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge. Understand yourself. Seek for professional help.

 

Millicent Ayimba

Consultant Psychotherapist.